


A Hat Without Magic

by MagicaDraconia16



Series: 2021 Bingos [6]
Category: Marvel, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Bucky Barnes Flash Bingo, Canon-typical Insanity, Gen, Goats, Humor, Marvel Fluff Bingo 2021, Minor Angst, Multiverse Shenanigans, Swearing, Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV, Trope Bingo Round 16, but only for a paragraph, quite a lot of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicaDraconia16/pseuds/MagicaDraconia16
Summary: When the bright flash of light faded, Tony staggered and fell sideways into a literal wall of fabric piles.
Series: 2021 Bingos [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119095
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: BBB Special Events, Bad Things Happen, Marvel Fluff Bingo, Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV, Trope Bingo: Round Sixteen





	A Hat Without Magic

**Author's Note:**

> Written for:   
> **Tony Stark Bingo:** _adopted square - AU: Alice in Wonderland_  
>  **Marvel Fluff Bingo:** _I3 - Fairytale AU_  
>  **Bucky Barnes Flash Bingo Card #5:** _2 - Goats_ (which finishes the card and gets me bingo!)  
>  **Trope Bingo Round 16:** _B3 - Loss of Power_  
>  and **Bad Things Happen Bingo:** _N3 - Worked Themselves to Exhaustion_
> 
> Card Number: 4019 (TSB) | 005 (BBB)  
> Square Filled: Adopted - AU: Alice in Wonderland (TSB) | 5:2 - Goats (BBB) | B3 - Loss of Power (Trope) | N3 - Working Themselves to Exhaustion (BTH)   
> Ship/Main Pairing: James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark & Mad Hatter | Jefferson   
> Rating: Teen  
> Major Tags: Humour, minor angst, canon-typical insanity, alternate universe, multiverse shenanigans, a lot of swearing packed into one paragraph, goats  
> Summary: As above

When the bright flash of light faded, Tony staggered and fell sideways into a literal wall of fabric piles, which all promptly collapsed even further sideways under him.

_Fucking Reed Richards and fucking Hank Pym and fucking **Doom** and fucking **LOKI** , and what the fucking fuck were **they** all doing working together, and fucking Richards and fucking Pym were going to get fucking shot in the fucking **ass** with a repulsor blast once he got out of here!_

…Wherever _here_ was.

“It has to work! It _has_ to work!” he could hear someone chanting with manic energy not too far away. “It _has to work_ … No! No, oh, no! No, no, no, _no_! What are you _doing_?! You’ve ruined my organisation! How am I supposed to tell what hasn’t worked?!”

Tony blinked his eyes open and discovered that ‘not too far away’ actually meant ‘right behind where the fabric wall had collapsed’. An absolutely frantic looking man was tugging at his hair in distress as he gaped at the mess Tony’s landing had caused.

“First of all,” he said, sticking a finger up in the air so that the strange man could see him doing so, “this is not my fault. Second of all, I’m very sorry and will, of course, assist you in picking this up. Third of all… _this is not my fault_!” His three fingers folded down into a fist, which Tony shook at the ceiling above them. “Damn you, Reed Richards!” he bellowed.

“I have to get it to work,” the man informed him, staring at Tony without blinking. The wild gaze made it even creepier. He looked somewhere on the verge of hysterical tears – or hysterical laughter; _something_ hysterical, anyway. “It needs to _work_!”

“What does?” Finally getting fed up of lying prone, Tony wrestled with the slippery fabrics to sit upright. “Hey, listen, I’m a mechanic,” he tried soothing the other man as he did so. “If you tell me what needs fixing, then I might be able to help.” Of course, he dealt with _machines_ , not _fabrics_ , but so long as this guy, whoever he was, calmed down, then Tony would deal with that when it came to it.

The man unexpectedly drooped. “My _hat_ ,” he all but whined. “The Queen wants a hat, and I _need_ a hat, but a hat without magic is just a hat; I don’t have the magic to get it to _work_!”

“A magic hat?” someone else asked. “What are you, some kinda magician?”

Tony craned his neck, trying to see where the other person was. He leant an elbow on the fabrics in front of him and depressed them enough to finally see back into the aisle he’d originally landed in. The owner of the voice was sitting on a small stack of fabrics that had slid outwards into the aisle from the opposite wall that Tony had crashed into.

_Wow, he’s hot!_ was the first thought that went through Tony’s head. _And he’s missing an arm!_ was the second.

And thirdly was, _Is that Captain America?_

“Thank you, so are you. Yes, I am. And no, that would be Stevie,” said the man, and oh, Tony had said all his thoughts _out loud_.

How embarrassing.

At least the other man didn’t seem offended, though, if his grin was any indication. “Bucky Barnes,” he said. “I’d offer a hand t’ shake, but I don’t think it’ll reach…”

“Tony Stark,” said Tony in return. And yeah, sure, he was telling the other guy what he obviously knew, if his exasperated eyeroll was to go by, but the _first_ other guy had no clue and besides, it was just good manners. Tony _did_ have manners when it called for it, _thank you very much and suck it, Rhodey_.

When he looked up, though, the nameless man had disappeared behind another wall of fabric.

“How rude,” said Tony, mildly, as he struggled the rest of the way upright. And then, as he caught sight of the other side of the room over Barnes’ head, “ _Whoa!_ ”

Piles upon piles upon _piles_ of fabrics of all different colours were – literally – _everywhere_. Tony was actually quite impressed that whatever the hell Richards and his cohort had done had managed to find a relatively clear spot to dump him in.

“What the hell is this place?” he wondered, stumbling over the fabrics to reach the aisle.

Barnes rose gracefully to his feet – more graceful than Tony had expected a one-armed man to be – and did a slow turn, examining the room. Or perhaps cavern was a better description, because it seemed to go on for miles.

“Dungeons,” said the nameless man from behind them, and both Tony and Barnes jumped. Well, _Tony_ jumped; Barnes merely flinched. “In the Queen of Hearts’ palace.”

The… Queen of Hearts? Tony blinked, shook his head and blinked again.

“…Of Hearts?” repeated Barnes, faintly. “Where—” He looked around again, obviously searching for some kind of window this time. “Where _are_ we?”

Now the nameless man blinked. “Why, Wonderland, of course,” he replied. “Wretched, foul place that it is.” He scowled for a moment, then abruptly dove past them both towards a pile of fabrics. Barnes and Tony both jumped again.

“Of course it’s Wonderland,” Tony muttered, half to Barnes but mostly to himself. “Why would you think it was anywhere else?”

“Silly me,” Barnes agreed.

The other man straightened up again, brandishing a bolt of fabric in triumph. He looked, now that Tony was seeing him right way up and head on, a great deal like _Barnes_. “This one will work!” he proclaimed. “This one will allow my hat to work, and then I can get out of Wonderland and back to Grace!”

Tony didn’t want to ask. He _did. not. want_ to ask. But… “Grace?” he asked. He just couldn’t help himself.

“My daughter.” The man leaped back over the wall of fabrics and gave the two of them a wide smile. “My name’s Jefferson,” he offered. “Grace is my daughter. I sent her to the neighbours’ house and promised her I’d be home for tea.” He gave a wild little giggle. “She’s having a tea party for her toys.” He literally _skipped_ off down the aisle, waving the bolt of fabric over his head.

Tony exchanged wide-eyed glances with Barnes.

“I hope we get to go home soon,” said Barnes in a low voice. He glanced down at his feet, looking abruptly guilty. “I was in Wakanda before I ended up here, looking after my goats and, well…” He paused and swallowed hard. Tony felt his eyes go even wider as he realised what Barnes was about to tell him and what the man had _actually_ been looking for. “I had two of ‘em with me.”

Before Tony could say anything to empathise with just what a disaster that could be, there was a scream of anguish from further down the room. “ _No, don’t eat that! I need that to make it work!_ ”

“Well!” said Tony, cheerfully, to a cringing Barnes. “At least we know where _one_ of them is!”


End file.
